Today I made the hardest decision I have ever made.
On Thursday my puppy went to the vet to get "fixed." While she was there, the vet found something that we weren't aware of. At about 5:00, the phone rang. I looked at the Caller ID, it was my dad. My mom picked up. The first thing I heard was "This can't be happening us again." I knew right then what was going on. It felt like my world suddenly all came crashing down on me. My head started to throb and my eyes were filling up with tears. I've heard people say "heart ache" before, I never knew the meaning until just that moment. I couldn't let my brother and sister see me cry. I walked into another room and pretended to be doing my homework.
I couldn't get those words out of my head. "This can't be happening to us again" the words just kept replaying in my head. Horrible memories were flashing through my head. Memories of crying in the car with my mom. Memories of coming home to see an empty kennel.
My mom knocked on my door and came in. She sat down on my bed. She explained to me that Dory was deaf. She told me my choices. I could give Dory to a family that specializes in training deaf dogs or learn how to train a deaf dog and keep her. My mom left me to think.
A few minutes later, my dad brought Dory to my room. He set her on my bed with me. My family left to run some errands. I laid there with Dory for the longest time and cried 'til it hurt. I knew then what I was going to do. I put Dory in her kennel and cried myself to sleep.
Then Friday came along. I had an awful day at school. I must say I was proud of myself that I didn't break down in tears during a class. I went to bed that night knowing that this would be the last night I would wake up every hour to take Dory outside. It was so hard for me to think about that. Usually taking Dory outside is just a chore. But I was almost happy hearing the cute little bark in the middle of the night.
This morning our family woke up and we took Brittany to breakfast for her birthday.
We went home and I couldn't even look at Dory. My parents left to run some more errands. My mom called and told me to do two things, get Dory's blanket, leash, and CareBear ready. And the second thing was to write a paper about Dory and her behavior. I wrote the best five paragraph essay of my life. My parents drove up to the house and took Dory from me. I couldn't watch them leave with her so I ran and hid under my blankie. I don't know why this helps, but hiding under my blankie creates a way for me to "escape" from the world.
My parents took Dory to a family that trains deaf dogs. I knew this was the right thing to do, Dory will be happier and healthier. I guess that I feel sorry for myself. This sounds bad, I know, but when you love something as much as I love that dog, you get very emotional.
I was extremely depressed and my family was gone, so my mom called my grandma and told her to come get me. My grandma, bless her heart, tried so hard to get my mind off of things and took me on a long drive in the mountains. She took me to her house and I slept from 1:00 'til about 7:00. And although I got all this sleep, I am emotionally exhausted and I can't function. I don't know how people can loose close loved ones and still live life happily. I feel like there is no reason to get up in the mornings.
Dory was like a baby to me. I love her and will miss her very much. I will miss waking up every hour. I will miss seeing her slide down the slide. I will miss her splashing water and making a mess. I will miss her obnoxious bark. I will miss rolling around in the mud with her. Most of all I will miss her and our friendship.
